The Great Cricket Battle

I don't like bugs...I never took entomology because I really don't like. I took herpetology, because I don't mind lizards and I tolerate snakes (as long as I don't have to hold them). But exoskeletons and six legs are just wrong. For some reason this is a cricket year. Move a bale of hay...crickets, move anything outside - crickets, walk in my basement - crickets. They are everywhere, it's like a sea of moving black creepiness. The chickens are trained, they follow me around waiting for me to move barrels, bales, feeders or rocks so they can pounce. But there are just to many, they rotate shifts to keep us awake, and despite my vacuum efforts I think they may over run us before the first freeze. Or I may have to move.

Joys of the Job

One of the many joys about my job is "Customer Complaints". That means that all my wonderful customers have the chance to come in when they go to pay their late payments (keeping their water from being turned off) and if by chance they whine about the water, I get a lovely piece of paper to call and go out "because their water smells funny" or my favorite "there is this stuff that grows under the rim of my toilet" so not kidding.

I hate people

 Last week was no exception, I got a frantic phone call from one of the ladies in the front office about an irate customer who had come in with a cup of yellow water. He screamed at her in the office, went home and ten minutes later called on the phone demanding a supervisor. When I got the phone number about 15 minutes later, he told me that he had turned on his outside hose, some sludgy yellow stuff had come out, then some yellow water and finally these little yellow pieces of stuff. To say he was obnoxious would be to put it mildly. Then I said, "Sir, by chance do you have a water softener?"...silence for about 30 seconds, "yeah, why?" Because the stuff he was describing is classic water softener rupture.  "But that takes salt" he said defensively.  We ended going up there, it would be hard to describe other than to say that yellow water should be the least of those peoples concern.

Which reminds me...I hate people. I know that sounds terrible but the truth of the matter is that I really do. Oh, I like them individually (ok somewhat) but as a whole - nope

By the way people - here's a little tip: The water company is only responsible for the quality of the water they deliver to your meter. What you do after that I don't care!!! I don't care if your hot water tank stinks because you don't use enough hot water to turn it over, I don't care if your in home system hasn't had a filter changed since Clinton was President, I don't care about your water softener, and I really, REALLY REALLY don't care about the mold growing on the underside of the rim of your toilet!!! Not to mention the many times I have stepped over dog poop in the living room, been unable to breath from the smoke, or asked if they could move the week old dishes in the sink so I could take a sample of the "smelly water".

Did I mention that I hate people?

Pumpkin Cookies and a torn up knee (an Emily story)

One thing that was stressed at the orientations for college was that your students really like getting packages in the mail. Well…who doesn’t? Anyway, Emily’s first week at school ended in her birthday, so her first package was birthday presents. The next week I sent her a package of pumpkin chocolate cookies, she got them on a Thursday, and Thursday night around 9 pm I got a call from her RA, “Ok, your daughter is on her way to the ER in an ambulance”.

Now I don’t know about you, but hearing that my little girl is 4 hours away, and heading to an unknown hospital with an unknown situation isn’t exactly conducive to a parent’s piece of mind. So I call the hospital….nope, not there, ambulance is still inbound. Call the girls cell...no answer, at this point I’m wondering if I need to jump in the car and head to Denver. Scott of course, isn’t home-(work-a-holic). Finally…about an hour later I do get hold of her. First of all WHAT HAPPENED??? Emily apparently got her package, sat down to open it, got excited to share her good fortune, jumped off the couch and…POP!!! Apparently, something gave way in her knee. She headed off in an ambulance and was awaiting the results of x-rays. I asked if there was any bones sticking out or blood pouring out – the answer was no. Then I asked if she had a ride home from the hospital, she said she had some friends that had followed her to the hospital, “Say Hi” she told them. Scott and I then heard a couple voices saying “Hey” which I then realized sounded decidedly masculine….hhmmm.

Since then, she was on crutches for about a week, has had a brace on it, and after two weeks it is finally starting to feel a little better, except that she is still having trouble bending it. I have offered to come over and take her to an orthopedist for a second opinion, and that might still need to happen. And when I talked to her earlier this week I told her it was sad that the professional hockey career was probably out…her response, “Mom, I don’t even ice skate or play hockey”. That’s my girl.

Expert

About a month ago while we were getting ready to go somewhere the phone rang and I had the following conversation –


Phone Girl – Hello, my name is (Don’t remember) and I got your name from your friend’s blah and blah.

Me- uhhh…Ok, (thinking to myself that I recognize those names from a couple at church, but calling them friends would be a bit of a stretch)

Phone Girl – Well blah and blah are trying get a $200 discount on a water treatment system in their home, and if they can get four other people take this survey, they can get their gift certificate for their new system.

Me – uhh OK

Phone Girl – All right the first question is do you drink tap water or bottled water?

Me –Bottled

Phone Girl – May I ask if that is for taste or convenience.

Me – It’s actually because my water system has high HAA’s

Phone Girl –uhmmm…ok, so when would be a good time for us to come out and test your water?

Me – What? I thought this was a survey.

Phone Girl- Well, we have to come out and test your water so we can know what kind of system you will need.

Me – Yeah, I don’t think I need a system, can you tell me what an HAA is?

Phone Girl – Oh, I don’t actually test the water, I’m not an expert.

Me – Really? I am

Phone Girl – (little giggle) oh..in what?

Me – In Water!! (what in the world are we talking about?)

Phone Girl – You are?

Me – Yeah, been in the water business for 20 years.

Phone Girl – Ok, so when would you like to schedule a water test.

Me – I don’t think you are listening to me; I work in a water laboratory. I can test my water any day I want, I really don’t need you to come out and do a dropper test and tell me how hard my water is.

Phone Girl – Oh, I don’t test the water I just schedule the technician.

Me – OK, we are not scheduling a “technician” to come out to my home, I thought this was a survey.

Phone Girl – OK, thanks for you time

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMILY!!!

The tears have finally dried enough that I can get on the lap top and not worry about ruining it….NOT!! Seriously, I haven’t cried since my little girl headed off to the mine.  I'm not sure if that means I'm cold hearted or a really bad parent.

Now, that’s not to say I didn’t have a rough day on Monday. You see one of the many traditions they have is to bring a 10lb rock from where ever you live, and on the day before classes of your freshman year you climb switchbacks for 3 ½ miles to the top of the M hill and deposit your rock. Then when you graduate you go up, select a rock and take it with you. So Emily selected her rock, packed it over there and on Monday, at around 10:30 I texted her and said, “Good luck on your climb”. She texted back “I didn’t go” and that was all. Follow-up  phone calls and texts were ignored and I became a little wiggy about what exactly was going on. A sympathy post on FB garnered some support and some “Leave her alone” posts from my niece!! Well, it turns out, she just overslept.

But typical Emily, the only contact we have had generated by her was a text telling us how boring the orientation about sex, drugs, and alcohol was and asking for a flow chart on how to do her laundry. I’m trying not to be to OCD about it, but she doesn’t even turn 18 until tomorrow.

By the way…HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LITTLE ORE DIGGER!!!!

My Bat Story

OK, I admit I had to look through my past posts to see if I had already told this story, yeah…all 246 posted blog entries. Man I like to talk a lot, good thing I know how to type pretty fast.

Anyway, I began thinking back since it is getting close to Labor Day, way back to Hurricane Katrina. Yeah, Hurricane Katrina happened in New Orleans, August 29^th, 2005. I remember it well, not because of my concern for the people of New Orleans, but for what happened to me in the aftermath.

The day Hurricane Katrina hit Louisiana my husband got a phone call, because of the situation of residents in New Orleans they needed federal officers to volunteer and go help secure federal facilities in New Orleans. At first I didn’t get it, and then I began to realize that all those lovely federal facilities have lots of expensive equipment in them. Anyway, Scott volunteered and within 36 hours he was out of here on a plane. I talked to him one time, the afternoon after he left. Then I didn’t hear from him again until a week later. It was horrible conditions and he worked 20+ hour days. When he got done, he had to go through decontamination procedures and be tested for diseases for several months after. 
But enough about what he endured…let’s talk about me.

Yeah, that was the week Erik started kindergarten and it wasn’t going very well. Also, my sister and mother left with Jason to go to a triathlon in California (that’s funny, no… none of them were competing, Jason was working security). Anyway, they left Kassandra for Donna and I to take care of on top of my husband being gone and Erik having some serious issues with the new school routine. Did I mention we were in the middle of remodeling our house and I had my bedroom in my dining room?

Anyway, I was a little stressed out, I went in to my bathroom to brush my teeth for the night when out of the corner of my eye I noticed something moving around in my toilet. Needless to say that caught my attention, so I walked over, and there swimming in my toilet bowl was a bat. I’m not proud of what happened next, it was definitely not my finest moment, and I should probably be required to turn in my Biology degree… So I called Donna and this was our conversation:

Donna – Hello

Me – THERE IS A BAT IN MY TOILET

Donna – What?

Me – THERE IS A BAT IN MY TOILET

Donna –What? Are you serious? How did that happen?

Me- THERE IS A BAT IN MY TOILET

Donna – I’ll be right there

I put the lid down (like that would have helped). Donna came over and we stood looking down in the bowl of the toilet and stared at the bat. He was pretty worn out and all wet, struggling against the sides of the bowl. I think one of us suggested that we could flush the toilet, but honestly the thought of that thing in my septic and possibly coming back up was more than I could handle. So I went and got a quart sized fruit jar, and my brave big sister scooped him up in it. We put the lid on and he looked pretty bedraggled. So we got some paper towels and stuffed them down with him, then I showed him to my children. I think Emily was in the bathtub upstairs (she wasn’t very impressed with a winged mouse). Anyway, then I took him outside, nestled the jar in my willow tree and opened the lid. The next morning he was gone.

And that is the story of the bat in my toilet.

A Little Deception

My niece Kassandra describes herself as "one of the special people", and indeed she is. Kassie has Cerbal Palsy, and has both physical and mental challenges. When she was very little the local community used to host Round Houses for parents of special needs children. It was a chance for parents to get away, network, and attend seminars from experts about their children. One of the things they warned the parents about was that while these children are mentally handicapped they are very good at learning to manipulate their parents.

Fast forward about 15 years and it is now Kassandra's senior year of high school. Kassie has a little trouble making it a full week to school. Generally she prefers to take at least one day off during the week, if not a full week. This generally starts the night before her personally scheduled day off, by beginning to cough, sniffle and vehemently declare to her mother that she is sick. She adamantly insists she has a cold (I must admit she sounds very convincing) and that her mother should agree and cancel the school bus. Meanwhile my sister Nancy begins to stew and then simmer. I must admit I would get pretty mad as well if my daughter decided by herself to continually take days off.

And so it was that as of the first two weeks of school, Kassie managed to take a day off in the first week. Meanwhile, on Monday of this week she began her sniffling and coughing. In a momentary stroke of genius, I came up with a little plan...

"Kassie, you know I work in a laboratory, and we have to make sure that people that are coming into the lab aren't sick. So I have this special paper that you put on your tongue and if you are sick it turns a special color and if you aren't...it turns another color. I didn't know you weren't feeling well, but I'll be sure to bring that home tomorrow, that way you'll be able to prove to your Mom when you are sick"

Oh the power...the look she gave me was priceless. The next morning I noticed the school bus coming down the street. Later that day I got a call from Nancy to notify me that my niece was feeling better and wouldn't need the special paper. I have a broad spectrum litmus paper anyway, but just my luck, she really did get a cold this weekend. I've been putting her off on showing her the colors...hopefully my deception can last until May.