Double Blog

Well, I haven't blogged for a few weeks, but February 15th is a memorable day for me. It's a double wammy, so to speak, but here goes:

This is my Mother's Ring. Scott bought this for me last year for our anniversary. I know, it has four stones. No, the extra two aren't for Scott and I. You see, I should be having a 15 year old this month. Today was the due date for my first baby, a baby I lost right at 3 months. That is the purple stone. At the other end, is the stone for our baby that would have turned 6 in April, she died when I was about six months along, we named her Grace.

So many people assume that Scott and I have chosen to have only two children. They don't know that we always wanted more, but it just didn't work out. I know, living in the LDS society that we do, people think we are selfish for not having more children. The truth is after losing Grace, the idea of going through that again just about killed me. I think the two children I have are truly a gift, and it is better for them if I'm just a little crazy, instead of possibly losing another child and ending up in the nut house.

But, I still wear my Mother's Ring, and I think of those children every day of my life. I believe that, if I am worthy, someday Scott and I will have the opportunity to love and raise these children. I know a lot of people think I should "move on" or "not dwell on it". I don't dwell on it, I have a great life and great children. But, I will not forget.

Surgiversary

Now for the second of my blogs: Today is the one year mark of my surgery.

OK, one year ago today I went in for a little nip and tuck. To date I have lost a total of 117 pounds, I went from a size 22 to a size 6. I feel great! I was fat for over 10 years, and I had forgotten what it felt like to not lug an extra couple of bags of feed around with me every day. I have been amazed in the different reactions people now give me, most have been positive which I appreciate. Some have not been so positive, which I ignore! My son has measured my journey by seeing first if he could put his arms around me, then by how much his arms over lapped when they went around me. It has been wonderful to be able to do things with my family that I didn't feel up to doing before.

I have had very few problems with my surgery, but I never would have been brave enough to do this if I hadn't watched my sister go through it first. Thanks Nancy! Oh sure, I have a transfer addiction (hyper volunteerism), but at least now I have the energy to do it. Scott has always loved me, and he has been awesome through this whole thing. He has tripped over himself occasionally, because he claims I was "never fat to begin with", yeah... OK. But through the whole thing, including a new wardrobe, he has been supportive and understanding.

So there it is, my very long blog. Don't worry February 15th only comes around once a year!