Well, I haven't been shy about announcing to everyone that Scott and I just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. After all I think that's a pretty impressive achievement considering he asked me to marry him a week after our first date... and I accepted. To say that we haven't had our share of challenges would be a lie, but, the further we go, the better it seems to get. I love being married and we still have so much fun it's hard to believe that there are people who don't like being married. Scott is my best friend, and while there are occasional rough patches, they are certainly getting fewer and fewer as time goes by.
Now, I certainly don't have all the answers to doing anything (no...I really don't), but Scott and I have developed a few rules over the years, and I thought I would share them with you.
1) When we got married a Great Uncle told Scott to never leave the house, without a kiss goodbye. Yeah, we still do that.
2) That same Great Uncle also told us to never go to bed angry...that's crap. If you want one of us to get really mean, and then meaner, and then flat out of control, keep us staying up late rehashing the problem. We tried this approach early in our marriage, it wasn't good. And as previous posts have shown...I'm a reasonable woman! Well..properly rested I am.
3) When we do have an issue we keep it to the topic at hand. When we are arguing about something we don't bring up past events, and we don't use words like "you never" or "you always".
4) No calling each other names, except for nice ones. Labels and names hurt, and you remember them for a long time.
5) We don't say things about each other to anyone else that we wouldn't say directly to each other.
6) No hitting, not ever. Not even when we are playing around and joking. No little swats, pushes, or swipes. Scott was raised in a home where physical violence occasionally reared it's ugly head. When we were first married and I playfully punched him he told me, "little hits lead to big hits and we aren't going to do that, I don't hit you and you don't hit me." He was right, and we don't.
7) We put each other first, always. We tell our kids we love them, but if the entire family was drowning and we could only save one person, it won't be either of them.
Well, there you have it. The rules for my marriage. It works for us, but, if it were foolproof I would bottle it and sell it.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother's Day
I was raised in a pretty unique situation. I grew up on the family ranch with lots of cousins, aunts and uncles all within a stones throw. Today, while they were talking about Mother's Day at church I was sitting in the back (like I always do) thinking about my Mom and the women in my family. As I looked up the chapel I could see my two blond aunts sitting ahead of me (apparently the Whiting boys definitely preferred blonds!), anyway, as I was saying, I started thinking about the women in my family, and how fortunate I was to be influenced, not only by my Mother, but by these other women on a pretty regular basis.
I loved the summer time when they would all gather on our front lawn in the afternoon or early evening. They would all sit and visit, catch up on the goings on, and work out the menu for the next family dinner. Between these three sister-in-laws I am pretty sure any problem could be worked out, in fact, if they had put their mind to it, they probably could have fixed any thing, ran any business, and planned a royal wedding.
Aunt Lois - Aunt Lois taught me so many things, she was the Aunt with the best cooking, the Aunt that was the Girl's Camp director, the artistic Aunt that could paint and create. Aunt Lois is extremely practical, and she showed me how to "use it up, wear it out, or do without". She was able to cook on a fire, can vegetables and carve watermelons for Luaus. Aunt Lois could work all day, and still smile at you when you were being a smart ass. Her little half chuckle-half laugh meant that you had done good.
Aunt Donna - Aunt Donna is the Aunt that never has anything bad to say, about anyone...ever. She could rewire an entire house while she was on the phone organizing a funeral meal. Aunt Donna can remember everyone, in this stake and the west, I mean not just their names, but their children's names and where their family comes from. Aunt Donna can play every piece of music on the piano that anyone has ever thrown at her and remember to take a meal into Sister Soandso. When ever I made my sarcastic remarks to Aunt Donna she would just sigh and smile, she is the Aunt with the softest and biggest heart.
Finally - my Mom. One day my Grandma Whiting was bragging about her daughters-in-law talents, when she got to my Mom she said, "and Harriet...well, you have executive abilities". We still laugh about it, but it's true. My Mom has a head for business, and she's had a head for business way before women were supposed to. She took care of all the ranch business, property maps, contracts, loans, etc. She still knows more about reservoir water rights and property assessments than I ever will. She taught me so many things, how to work, how to take care of your family, and how to have fun. She taught me that it's OK to have a bad day, but don't stay there to long. I could spend the rest of the day telling all the things my Mother taught me, but there isn't enough room on the Internet for all of it.
Anyway, these three remarkable women are the strongest women that I have ever known. They have endured through every imaginable event, loss, joy, heartache and more. They have survived, they have squared their shoulders and pushed through. The pioneers have nothing on these women. They definitely set the bar pretty high. I'm sure I won't measure up, but I'm so glad I have had the chance to know these remarkable women all of my life.
Happy Mother's Day
I loved the summer time when they would all gather on our front lawn in the afternoon or early evening. They would all sit and visit, catch up on the goings on, and work out the menu for the next family dinner. Between these three sister-in-laws I am pretty sure any problem could be worked out, in fact, if they had put their mind to it, they probably could have fixed any thing, ran any business, and planned a royal wedding.
Aunt Lois - Aunt Lois taught me so many things, she was the Aunt with the best cooking, the Aunt that was the Girl's Camp director, the artistic Aunt that could paint and create. Aunt Lois is extremely practical, and she showed me how to "use it up, wear it out, or do without". She was able to cook on a fire, can vegetables and carve watermelons for Luaus. Aunt Lois could work all day, and still smile at you when you were being a smart ass. Her little half chuckle-half laugh meant that you had done good.
Aunt Donna - Aunt Donna is the Aunt that never has anything bad to say, about anyone...ever. She could rewire an entire house while she was on the phone organizing a funeral meal. Aunt Donna can remember everyone, in this stake and the west, I mean not just their names, but their children's names and where their family comes from. Aunt Donna can play every piece of music on the piano that anyone has ever thrown at her and remember to take a meal into Sister Soandso. When ever I made my sarcastic remarks to Aunt Donna she would just sigh and smile, she is the Aunt with the softest and biggest heart.
Finally - my Mom. One day my Grandma Whiting was bragging about her daughters-in-law talents, when she got to my Mom she said, "and Harriet...well, you have executive abilities". We still laugh about it, but it's true. My Mom has a head for business, and she's had a head for business way before women were supposed to. She took care of all the ranch business, property maps, contracts, loans, etc. She still knows more about reservoir water rights and property assessments than I ever will. She taught me so many things, how to work, how to take care of your family, and how to have fun. She taught me that it's OK to have a bad day, but don't stay there to long. I could spend the rest of the day telling all the things my Mother taught me, but there isn't enough room on the Internet for all of it.
Anyway, these three remarkable women are the strongest women that I have ever known. They have endured through every imaginable event, loss, joy, heartache and more. They have survived, they have squared their shoulders and pushed through. The pioneers have nothing on these women. They definitely set the bar pretty high. I'm sure I won't measure up, but I'm so glad I have had the chance to know these remarkable women all of my life.
Happy Mother's Day
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Reasonable Woman
Well, Erik is in the home stretch of the 5th grade. Yes, that last blissful year of elementary school. Because there are two new 5th grade teachers this year (for the first time in 25 years) they are trying to keep up a few traditions started by the previous administrations. Some of those traditions are the egg drop (a design competition in which your creation containing an egg is dropped from the top of the school), the life time line, the Blast from the Past (where they dress up as a character from history and answer questions about the famous person's life), a family tree, and a biography. I know, it sounds like they are getting ready to die...
Anyway, the biography is supposed to be 5-7 paragraphs, well thought out, about your life. Have you ever attempted to get an 11 year old boy to write a significant essay? I think when Emily did her biography it was around 17 pages. Well, finding teeth in my chickens is easier than getting Erik to write more than "I was born, I live, I like to play the Wii." We have been slowly working on this essay for about 5 days, he writes a few things, I make marks on it in red, and try to pose questions that should lead to more information. Last night I left Scott to work on the final draft because the gray hair was really coming through and I definitely needed some hair dresser attention. When I got home, Scott cheerfully told me "it's all done, and you really should read it."
The fourth paragraph was supposed to be about things Erik wanted to do in the future. What did he want to be? How many children? Where did he want to live? etc. It was reading pretty good until I saw a sentence that hadn't been there before:
"I want my wife to be a reasonable woman, like my mom, who likes to have fun."
Some may be insulted, but I take this as the highest of compliments. He doesn't even have to get me anything for Mother's Day. Oh yeah, and my new motto? "You know...I'm a reasonable woman."
Anyway, the biography is supposed to be 5-7 paragraphs, well thought out, about your life. Have you ever attempted to get an 11 year old boy to write a significant essay? I think when Emily did her biography it was around 17 pages. Well, finding teeth in my chickens is easier than getting Erik to write more than "I was born, I live, I like to play the Wii." We have been slowly working on this essay for about 5 days, he writes a few things, I make marks on it in red, and try to pose questions that should lead to more information. Last night I left Scott to work on the final draft because the gray hair was really coming through and I definitely needed some hair dresser attention. When I got home, Scott cheerfully told me "it's all done, and you really should read it."
The fourth paragraph was supposed to be about things Erik wanted to do in the future. What did he want to be? How many children? Where did he want to live? etc. It was reading pretty good until I saw a sentence that hadn't been there before:
"I want my wife to be a reasonable woman, like my mom, who likes to have fun."
Some may be insulted, but I take this as the highest of compliments. He doesn't even have to get me anything for Mother's Day. Oh yeah, and my new motto? "You know...I'm a reasonable woman."
Monday, May 2, 2011
Uplifting Spiritual Experience Thieves
We have a couple, let's just say they are in our Stake, who love to "recycle" stories from the Ensign 40 years ago. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who don't realize that these people do that. As a result they are often regarded as "spiritual giants". I view them as a plagiarists, and...let's just say it, liars. Over the years my family has engaged in a little game we like to play whenever one of these people is speaking at a church meeting, it's called "name the Ensign they stole that story from", there are extra points if you can name the General Authority as well. Anyway, my family (because we never forget anything) can name literally dozens of examples of this behaviour.
What absolutely amazes us is the number of people who believe that this one couple has had all these wonderful, poignant, life changing experiences. They manage to make every one of them sound so personal. I wonder sometimes, if they take turns telling the stories to each other in order to get all the voice inflections and emotional turning points sounding just right. Maybe they practice in front of a mirror, in order to get all the facial expressions perfected.
Additionally, this couple also has a lot of people believing that they have personal relationships with some of the General Authorities, and are special consultants on many church programs. Well, that all sounds so special...except that when you have known these particular people for many years, you begin to pick up on a couple of the idiosyncrasies. You remember the failed businesses, which years later, they claim were such successes. You remember their children and how that story isn't quite how you remember it. You remember that all those stories simply don't add up.
One of the problems with living in the ward or stake that you grew up in, is that you know way to much about all of the other people who grew up here. But, the reverse is also true, I'm sure they know way to much about me. That's ok, I won't deny my mistakes of childhood, teenage years, or even college years. That's part of life. But stealing life changing, spiritually uplifting stories from others...pretty sure there is someone keeping track of that, not just the Whiting clan.
What absolutely amazes us is the number of people who believe that this one couple has had all these wonderful, poignant, life changing experiences. They manage to make every one of them sound so personal. I wonder sometimes, if they take turns telling the stories to each other in order to get all the voice inflections and emotional turning points sounding just right. Maybe they practice in front of a mirror, in order to get all the facial expressions perfected.
Additionally, this couple also has a lot of people believing that they have personal relationships with some of the General Authorities, and are special consultants on many church programs. Well, that all sounds so special...except that when you have known these particular people for many years, you begin to pick up on a couple of the idiosyncrasies. You remember the failed businesses, which years later, they claim were such successes. You remember their children and how that story isn't quite how you remember it. You remember that all those stories simply don't add up.
One of the problems with living in the ward or stake that you grew up in, is that you know way to much about all of the other people who grew up here. But, the reverse is also true, I'm sure they know way to much about me. That's ok, I won't deny my mistakes of childhood, teenage years, or even college years. That's part of life. But stealing life changing, spiritually uplifting stories from others...pretty sure there is someone keeping track of that, not just the Whiting clan.
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