The Ramblings of a Cold, Cruel Heart

It's tax season again. Fortunately I am not owing Uncle Sam quite as much this year as last. I guess we planned better. A little while back I had a friend tell me that she was "fiscally conservative, and socially liberal" in her political philosophy. I have been thinking about that a lot lately, exactly what does that mean? I think it means she doesn't like the government spending her money but she is fine with them spending mine on doomed social programs. I consider myself pretty conservative in every aspect of life, so does that automatically infer that I don't care about my fellow man?

I know I've been considered pretty heartless in the past. Cold, unfeeling, mean....yes, I know all the labels.  Maybe I am, but I do know that most government agencies are extremely inefficient and ineffective.  They have lofty goals, things like head start, housing authorities, and welfare.  But I can't help believing that there are a lot better people to take care of programs like that other than the government. I wonder if my friend feels that way not because I am heartless but because maybe she is. 

Let me explain, when I think about it a little further I realize that it is way easier to go along in your merry little life if you just let the government take your money and promise to take care of all the problems with your neighbors.  By turning over all the social programs to others my friend is absolved of all responsibility. She doesn't have to spend any time helping her community.  She doesn't have to become invested in the children in her neighborhood...that's all taken care of. After all, that way if things don't work out it isn't her fault, it was the governments. I'm sure she is very busy with her children's activities and can't be bothered.  She probably doesn't want to worry about  the lady down the street who is out of food and the paperwork hasn't gone through for her EBT card, she doesn't want to worry about the homeless (that is why there is a shelter), she doesn't want to have to take food in to the family that has sickness (isn't there a program for that?).  She can rest comfortably at night believing that her benevolent Uncle has taken care of everyone around her.

Now back to heartless me...who doesn't want a socially liberal government.  I believe that charity begins at home, that means families take care of each other. But wait, our country has downgraded the family unit by rearranging the definition.  OK, then I want my community to help each other, like our church does, but wait again...the government is going after our churches and considering revoking their tax exempt status.

Enough is enough. I'm tired of the jump people make when they assume that socially conservative means cruel and heartless. If you want to think I'm all that, go ahead...as I've stated before on this blog I believe you can have the eternal blessings or the worldly recognition. Once again...I don't care what you think, I know who I am.

Glamorous

I took today off work.  My mother was having a little surgery.  I didn't think it was anything major, she had a similar surgery about 21 years ago that I took her to, and that was in the doctors office. So we headed in this morning and arrived promptly at the surgical center.  When we asked how long the surgery would be, we were both very surprised when we were told 3 hours.  Holy cow! Yup, she was in there for 3 full hours.  It was a little nip and tuck, my family is notorious for not being able to smile and have our eyes seen at the same time, and this little deficiency was beginning to cause some actual visual problems with my Mom. Everyone talks about getting plastic surgery, the stars all apparently have it done, it sounds so glamorous and simple.  A little tuck here or there, a little pull - no big deal.  Let me just say these people have never had any significant plastic surgery done.  When I walked into the recovery room, my sister tried to prepare me...but there really isn't any way she could have.  When they pulled the cold packs off my Mom's eye's I actually gagged a little.  It is awful, she looks terrible...what was amazing was the great trouble that the staff took to assure us how nice it was looking, very little bruising and hardly any swelling.  They kept pulling off the packs to show Nancy and I, while we were looking at the floor trying to keep down our cookies.  It was quite the circus to get her home, now we just keep telling the doctor orders require he to keep the cold packs on AT ALL TIMES.  Cruel I know, but seriously, Nancy and I can't help it.  I'm here alone right now...I sent Nancy in to the pharmacy we need some wrinkle cream STAT!!!

A Little To Pure?

Emily had some sort of German singing practice last night (I really don't know what it was, but I know I get a trip to Provo out of it this weekend) anyway, Erik needed a haircut and a new jacket. So we headed to the mall where we could hit both birds with one stone and check Cabella's to see if they had any additional clips for his 22.We scored on the haircut - no line- and he found a hoodie he loved $7.00 - so much cheaper than his sister- it was a bust at Cabella's they didn't have his clips.  After all that I was pretty hungry and while Erik is good with McDonalds I wanted something from the food court.  As we were going down the mall we had to pass by Victoria's Secret (which with all they show there isn't much of a secret) and I noticed my son, holding up his hand to shade his eyes from all the posters in the store window. "Ugh, Mom, I really don't like walking by here." I know, he does that every time we pass by the store, he did it again as we headed back to the car. (Don't worry - he likes girls)  Just as we were getting ready to leave the mall we came up behind a couple that were walking ahead of us.  The girl had on a pair of shorty shorts, riding very low on her hips and a bikini top.  We slowed down because they were heading the same way we were and I waited to see if Erik had a comment.  He did.  As soon as they were out the door ahead of us I heard about it, what was funny was the women coming in the other direction who overheard his comments and had a pretty good chuckle. Later after we were in the car I asked Erik about it and asked if he ever thought he would like to look at girls like that, his response was that it was a teenage thing and since he was only 12 it hadn't really happened to him yet, as he understood it, once you become a teenager you just ZAP start to like looking at that sort of thing.  He turns 13 in a about 2 months, maybe it won't hit him automatically!

The Trusting Bond of Mother and Son

I still remember when they laid that beautiful little boy in my arms, who would have thought someday I would....oh wait, let me back up.

A couple weeks ago while we were sitting in church, I was obviously engrossed in the speaker, but it occurred to me that my family might really like paint ball games.  So I leaned over to Scooter and said, "I think we should buy some paintball guns". Scott, so in tune with my thinking (or maybe just resigned) just smiled and nodded. 

 That afternoon during Sunday dinner we discussed the idea with the fam. My Mother's creek bottom would be a perfect paintball area...plenty of cover, close.  We decided we would like to try it out as a family.  We only had one concern, how bad did getting hit with a paintball hurt?  We decided we could take it and that what ever happens there would be no tears in paintball. 

It took a few weeks to purchase the equipment and gear up, first we attacked the trees in our back yard, I think we won.  This week we didn't have a lot of time, but we thought we would head down to the creek and try it out a little.  We were getting ready, and Erik had his gear on when I said, "Hey Erik, go stand over there, and I'll shoot you and we'll see how bad it hurts"  For total disclosure here, neither Emily or Scott were outside with us to give us the "maybe this isn't a good idea" look.  So Erik took a few steps away....and I shot him. 

Erik was wearing a protective vest, but he dropped like a rock.  To his credit, there were no tears! Then we looked to see what his beloved Mother had done to him. 

 

Ok, I'm not proud of it, but my lapse of parental judgement is pretty funny.

Happy St. Valentines Day!

Yes, I say that with a grimace. Valentine's Day is fine as a holiday, the only problem is...I really am not very romantic by nature. It's hard to be a sarcastic romantic. I just haven't ever really gotten the hang of it.  The whole flowers, candy, jewelry, pajamas, teddy bears, etc has me feeling...well, nothing.  I like flowers, not something I get all excited about, candy doesn't do much for me (especially since my surgery when a couple pieces of candy put me on the floor studying the carpet fibers), pj's I have, jewelry makes me nervous, I prefer fake in case I misplace it.  Finally, there is stuffed animals, which when you are over 15 years of age, simply become one more dust catcher (note to Scott here - if there is a 4 foot teddy bear waiting for me on Tuesday we have a problem).

The real problem is that Scott is very romantic by nature, and it is almost completely wasted on me!  I feel bad for him, I just don't have it in me.  He can imagine all kinds of romantic escapes, dinners, etc and I am the downer. This is one of  our very few incompatibilities. The idea of a weekend away at a B&B sounds blah to me, I'm very comfortable in my own house, I don't need to go to somewhere else. 

Anyway, I feel bad, but there it is. Poor Scott has struggled with this for years and I don't really see much of an end in sight.  The guys at work were discussing Valentine's Day on Friday at lunch.  I kept downing their ideas until one of the young ones got frustrated and asked me exactly what I would like for Valentine's Day...my reply "ammo is an appropriate gift for any holiday".

OK, that hurts..

Emily opted out of church today, she has a cold.  So we all headed in together which is unusual because Scott and Erik usually head in early so Erik can help pass the sacrament.  Anyway, so we are walking in our standard back door, when Erik said to me, "Mom, I feel like I don't really have very many ties that are appropriate for church.".

WHAT?????  Scott put his hand on my shoulder to keep me from hyperventilating. I love to dress the men in my family, I really love to dress them in Sunday clothes.  My son has known since he was five that wearing white socks to church was never an option, he knows that undershirts need to be worn under white shirts, he also knows that he should always unbutton his suit coat when he sits down. So my son's comment really hurt.  I was confused and concerned, when I got home I went and counted...15 ties he has, including 2 bolos. He has Captain Moroni ties, CTR ties, temple ties...I have no idea why he thinks he has ties that are inappropriate. Alright, maybe the naked girl ties...just kidding...those are Scott's! So now there's only one thing left to do..I have to go shopping, until the pain goes away.

Gospel Principles/Scientific Principles

Well, it’s that time of year again when Emily and I went to spend an evening at the New Beginnings program. Yes, it has taken me two days for the pounding headache to abate enough to have coherent thoughts on the evening. No, this year I will not rant and rave about the dress code (but yes, the stake, Emily and I were the only ones in dresses). However, I am going to expound about having to endure an evening with (and I will steal my favorite talk show host Neal Boortz phrase here) the dumb masses.


First of all if you have been asked to speak and you are going to use something as an example, perhaps you should actually know how that something works. For instance, if you were going to use the example of a hot air balloon rising into the air, and you wanted to talk about the scientific principle behind it, perhaps you should take a minute, Google it and learn why a hot air balloon rises. That way you wouldn’t be standing up there and say something like this: “so the balloons have these big propane burners and they heat the air in the balloon and it …like…turns it into helium and the balloon rises up”. That way, in turn, I wouldn’t be forced to sit there wondering if a railroad spike being pounded into my brain really would be more painful.

But moving past that scientific massacre, the speaker then moved on to talk about how he had done a charitable act as a teenager (in great detail), which whenever he thinks about it now he feels like he is being buoyed up like a hot air balloon. I, on the other hand, thought he was confusing the warm feeling of doing something nice for someone with his extremely large, over inflated sense of self importance. We then were called on to TELL something we had done for someone else. Because my husband and mother have repeated told me that I can’t publicly smack people down, I chose to study my thumbnail really, really hard. After the group had shared…he concluded that doing small acts of kindness can lift you up like the hot air balloons.

See, here’s the deal…I think that when you do things for others, you aren’t supposed to talk about it. You have the choice after doing charitable acts to seek the earthly reward or the heavenly reward, but I don’t think you get to do both! Bragging about what you did makes it not count! So, on the way home, after dissecting everything to Emily, and explaining the either/or principle of charitable blessings, I told her that since I never did kind things that must be why I was cold and dead inside. She looked at me and said, “Oh Mom, you’re not cold … and dead inside”. Later when I started thinking about it, I realized the way she phrased it, apparently I must be one or the other, I’m just not sure which. I just hope she was practicing her sarcasm.